I don't have many people that I can or want to burden with my inner thoughts with so I thought this blog could be my secret friend, the one I can confide in. So I firstly appologise to my new 'friend' for all the things I'm going to confide in you about but I know you'll understand and be there for me. You are just what I need right now.
My first post is going to be about one of the most common by mysterious things in the world relationships, well one man in particular 'Mr Ronseal'. Why do I call him Mr Ronseal, thats because just like the product he does exactly what it says on the tin and only that.
Anyway me and Mr Ronseal are going through a very rough time. We went to Relate yesterday because our relationship is dying and it either needs bringing back to life or a funeral arranging, but instead the guy at Relate put a sticker on our file 'Do Not Rescusitate'.
Where do we go from here? What else can we do but end it! He's (Mr Ronseal) at his lowest point and seeing a counsellor himself, he's been bad for the past 2 months but building up to it for over a year. First it was his job getting him down, then the weather, his mother, money etc. I kept asking if it was me and always got the answer 'us arguing doesn't help but it's not you'. Then I get his declaration in Relate, he says he has never felt this low in his entire life not even when his brother died, and he feels so low that sometimes he wants to die and it's all because of me and how I make him feel. WOW what a blow. I know it's not true, I know I am not repsonsible for how he entirely feels, yes our relationship isn't good, but I am so upset that he told the man it was all my fault. I'm so upset that he thinks its all my fault how he feels and I'm so upset that he hasn't taken any responsibility for it himself. He didn't blame our relationship,something that he's 50% responsible for, he just blamed me.
I'm going to leave it there for now. I'm going to take the 70 mile drive to pick my 8 year old precious daughter up from her fathers and see my family, my 23 year old son, his partner and my lovely 9 month old grandson, (yes I'm a grandma at the age of 42) but thats what you get for having a child when you are 19.
I'll have a good think on the drive downand let you know my thoughts later x
